Finding the positive

So, I always thought that with an injury like this —the kind that takes forever to heal — I was just going to get very depressed and not be secluded in my apartment without a life. I mean, technically this is what's happening but I am actually taking some time to appreciate certain things. I am reading a lot of things —mostly ballet— which is creating a different perspective on my view of the world of dance, it's teachers, directors and of course us the dancers.

I've traveled —thanks to the help of some friends— to see some shows. Just a couple of weeks ago I went to see Sarasota Ballet do a triple bill that included McMillan's Concerto, Sir Peter Wright's Summertide, and Ashton's Marguerite and Armand. A truly amazing evening I must say. Few companies in America get to do productions with these ballets and I love that Sarasota Ballet has been trying for the past couple of years to bring this old ballets back to live. It gives me such joy that there's people that care so much for the tradition.

I feel like that's one of the reason why I love going to Copenhagen during my summer lay off to dance with the Royal Danish Ballet, their respect and love for the tradition. If it wasn't for that, they would have not been able to preserve one of their most cherished things, which is the Bournonville style tradition.


Appart from this, of course I have been trying to stay active. Thank god for my pilates instructor that works with me as much as I need it, so I can keep —somehow— in shape. The doctor said I could do anything that doesn't require weight bearing and pointing and flexing my feet. So at least I can work on my legs a little bit and for sure my upper body and my back, as well as keeping myself flexible.

Dealing with a broken sesamoid as a ballet dancer

How do you face a serious injury? What can you tell yourself that is going to make the time more worth it and shorter in your head? What do you invest the time on when your doctor tells you not to bear any weight on your foot?

This has been my life for the past 3 weeks and it's already driving me crazy. At first I was going back to rehearsals because we are rehearsing for a production we will be doing around February of next year so I needed to learn choreography. But a few days I went back to the doctor - thinking that I was going to have a date that I would be coming back or at least some kind of good news - but unfortunately he asked me to be off my foot as much as I could.
I have a fractured interior sesamoid bone on my right foot, and of course I have been reading a lot about this little bone that I didn't know it existed. Every single story, including those of closer friends of mine -dancers- that have had this injury are not very re-comforting. People tend to come back too early and go back on the same pain path. That's why if the doctor asks me to be completely off my foot, I will because I want to get back to dancing as soon as possible.

I am actually doing a lot of things that are suppose to help with fractures. I am drinking at least one pot a day of a mix of comfrey leaf, horsetail leaf and devil's claw root tea.
I am also using some moxibustion techniques around the affected area, because I read that sesamoid bone injuries take much more time to heal because they don't get a lot of blood flow (like your meniscus), so using this creates high temperatures and increases the blood flow.
I am also meditating to certain frequencies that are suppose to help with bone regenaration. - I am seriously doing everything I read that can help, I don't really know if it helps or not but at this point I don't care, at least it kills some time of my day- Doing nothing isn't one of my favorite things.
The doctor said I could do any kind of exercise that didn't require any kind of weight on my foot, so some pilates exercises on the floor, with some balls, and some upper body weights will might do to stay in shape. I also asked about swimming and I am allowed to do that too. I just think it looks a bit stupid if I walk into the gym with crutches, don't you think?

Anyway, if any of you that are reading this have any kind of experience with this injury and would like to give me some advice, I would be much appreciated,

Where is our respect for the past?

Sometimes your life gets to a point in which you don't really know what to do. In the outside I seem happy but somewhere inside my body there is something wrong. Some part of me that needs to come out and express its full intensity. That intensity lays deep down in my art. The artist that I have inside is done with nonsense and shot guns on the head to what I call art. This artist is tired of people stepping on the art -which I have deep in my heart- with no care and no respect for the tradition and the past.
I am totally pro innovation. I love new works and remakes of old ballets and revivals but we need to not alter the masterpieces with ignorance. I call for people to do their research and really learn and know about the ballets they are pursuing to revive. Of course there is thousands of different versions of the same ballet, but the soul of that ballet has to survive some way, so the newer generations -and I include myself in this group- can feel it and can learn from it.

We live in the decade of ignorance. Where people talk about anything they can without even knowing a single word about, but maybe a dropped article in their news feed in whatever kind of social media they are in. I am tired of this. I am tired of having to do things to which I completely disagree and to which I feel like their creators will be rolling their eyes in their tombs.

We have to pay more attention to the things we put on stage. Then we act surprised when a show is not selling in a certain city or time, when we haven't even asked our audiences what they want to see. But of course, we act like we are doing a lot for this community. I'm sorry but the answer is no. Stop caring about yourselves so much and start caring about the art form which is the only important thing. I want to be in a place where sales don't matter, where the only thing important is to put on a good show no matter how many people is going to upset or please.

Frustration

It's quite common for us ballet dancers to find ourselves inside a loop of frustration, negativity and a feeling of not improving. This is how I have been feeling for the past two weeks, and as much as i desire to snap out of it, the circumstances in my work and how the environment and the day by day works, don't let me.
I'm starting to feel invisible to the eyes of my director. I've always felt a little like in the second row, never in the spotlight with this man. Or so I see, compared to how he treats other dancers in the company. At this point, I feel like I could break my knee in the studio during a combination and he wouldn't even notice. I hate this feeling. I am a person that constantly seeks for approval. I need it. Somehow it is what keeps me going.

The rehearsals and the schedules of these past few weeks have been tremendously intense. We've been working out of our working hours because there isn't enough time in hour work day for us to do the multiple things that we do. Also, the fact that both my foot and my knee have been hurting are not helping. It's just one more problem for me to have to deal with.
What can I do?
Where can I seek inspiration when the people around you, specially those that are suppose to mentor you, are not providing you with it?

I'm at a point in my life where I should be the most excited. I'm working on a lot of new works, some of them being choreographed on me, but somehow I still need that approval from my director, that I never seem to get.